DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
