I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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