Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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