I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Damn victory sex feels great
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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