What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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