woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
