and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
