best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
