You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
