the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
