mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
