You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he thought i was a dude.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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