I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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