I think I won the penis lottery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
