Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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