I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
