god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
