in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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