she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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