I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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