I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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