if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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