Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
