you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
