dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
