I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
