Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
