My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
