the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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