do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
