I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
