i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my liver is dry heaving
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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