He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
