I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
