I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
