So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
