he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
