When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
