oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
