I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
