Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
