Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
