I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
