I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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