Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
