she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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