Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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