please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
