I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
