ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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